Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
