Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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