omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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