My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
