No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
