hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
