he wants to bone in the snuggie
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
