3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize