Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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