It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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