I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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