Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The best revenge is premature balding
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
that is very illegal...i love you.
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