Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
