Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
