Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
