His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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