have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
