so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
