you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
