so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
