i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
two words...techno handjob
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
