I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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