Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i drank out of a bidet.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wear drunk well.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
