I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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