you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
