i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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