Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize