My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
