Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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