When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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