But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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