Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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