weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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