ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
