Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
