Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
