Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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