Just fell off a train. Bad.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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