At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
