Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
handjob tips. give me some.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
