So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
