i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
