Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
