It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
