My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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