I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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