well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We have started to decorate penises.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
