I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i think i have two assholes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
