This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
