I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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