mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
