My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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