Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
