Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize