the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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