ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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