my shit smells like andre
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
