i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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