she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
