This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
