I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He felt like a one man threesome
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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