I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
