went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
