addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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