He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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